Learning from Parental Burnout + Creating Your Relapse Prevention Plan
Written by Kristi Yeh, LMFT
Many parents have grown desensitized to burnout, as it has become so commonplace during COVID. While parental burnout is not a clinical diagnosis, it should be taken seriously because it often functions as a low-level depression. Feelings of excessive guilt, irritability, exhaustion and a decreased sense of worthiness are all indicators of both burnout and depression. Even though parenting will always have its ups and downs, and parenting during a pandemic is particularly challenging, parents deserve to be healthy and feel good a lot of the time.
In my work as a therapist, I have supported clients in creating relapse prevention plans for symptoms of depression, eating-related challenges, and substance use behaviors. All of these relapse prevention can also be applied to parental burnout.
Relapse prevention plans help you become more aware of what your triggers, your signs of burnout and what specific resources and coping skills will be the most beneficial to navigate difficult times.
Parental Burnout Triggers
Triggers are typically defined as people, places and things that can trigger us to slip back into habits that do not support our wellness. Burnout triggers for parents might look like disrupted sleep, changes in routine (even if they are positive, such as a new job you are excited about or your children starting a new camp/school) and family transitions (such as the birth of a new child or moving).
Other triggers for burnout can include scary changes such as divorce, job loss, health issues and the pandemic. Many parents are experiencing burnout again due to the Delta variant that has resulted in some areas reinstating mask requirements and potential impacts on childcare and schools.
Parental Burnout Warning Signs
It’s helpful to reflect on your burnout warning signs so that you can catch the early warning signs. It’s easier to bounce back from earlier stages of burnout versus climbing out of the trenches of late-stage parental burnout. While experiencing burnout is not fun, one positive aspect is being able to learn more about your warning signs for the future. And while I do not have a research study to back this up, my guess is that all parents experience burnout multiple times during parenthood--you are not alone.
Early-Stage Warning Signs Might Include:
Starting to feel tired frequently
Missing some meals and snacks
Revenge bedtime procrastination where you are staying up too late to have “me time”
Feeling a little more on edge or nervous than usual
Wanting to do the things that light you up, but having difficulty carving out time for your hobbies and passions
Middle-Stage Warning Signs Might Include:
Not wanting to be around your children as much
Losing your temper with your kids more often
Missing appointments or an increase in being late
Feeling as though you are always forgetting something and having difficulty concentrating
Disturbed sleep, such as difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
Increased irritability and feeling more worried than usual
Difficulty eating a balanced diet
Increased alcohol consumption
Decrease in physical activity
Feelings of parental guilt and thinking you are a less effective parent
Increase in cynicism and dark humor
Less productive and a decrease in motivation
Not seeing your friends as much
Decreased sex drive
Decrease in bodily grooming and appearance
Feeling as though you do not have time (or you are literally overbooked) to enjoying your hobbies and passions
Late-Stage Warning Signs Might Include:
Loss of empathy for your children and others
Dreading being with your kids and feeling as though you need a break but it is impossible to get one
Chronic sadness and overwhelming feelings of guilt
Getting angry more often with your children and people in general
Constantly feeling disorganized or as if your thoughts are “spinning”
Feelings of parental shame (thinking, “I’m a bad parent”)
Isolating yourself from friends and family
Increase or decrease in appetite
Decrease in bodily grooming and appearance
Decreased sex drive
Increased alcohol consumption
Losing interest in the activities that used to bring you immense joy
Feeling exhausted and depleted
Coping with Parental Burnout through Self-Care and Community Care
The key to an effective relapse prevention plan is identifying coping skills and/or self-care practices that are specific to the situation or sign of burnout. It is also helpful to identify internal and external resources, so you always have something you can grab from your wellness toolkit.
Internal Resources are character traits (e.g. perseverance, compassion, sensitivity, creativity, etc.) and coping skills that you can do on your own (e.g. art, walking, yoga, meditation, etc.).
External resources are resources outside of yourself that you can call on in times of need. Examples include: loved ones, friends, significant other, doctor, therapist, online parenting communities, parental stress hotlines and crisis hotlines.
It takes strength to ask for support. No one is meant to parent in isolation, and you are modeling for your children how to cope in a healthy way.
You can use this free relapse prevention plan for parental burnout to help you increase resilience and boost your mood and level of contentment.
I hope this post sparks some meaningful conversations and time for self-reflection. However, recovering from middle or late-stage burnout is not an easy task. Making long-term parenting and lifestyle changes takes time, and it can be helpful to do that work with a trained mental health professional.
If you are looking for more burnout resources, please check out these other worksheets and books.
More Parental Burnout Resources:
The 3 Cs of Parental Well-Being mini ebook by Kristi Yeh
Self-Care 101 for Busy Parents by Kristi Yeh
The Self-Care Investment workbook by Michelle Goodloe, LCSW
The Circle of Support worksheet by Kjersti Nelson, LMFT
Mommy Burnout by Sheryl Ziegler
Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski
